This year marks an incredible milestone for our Co-CEO Steve Sobota: 20 years of dedication to Big Buddy! As our longest-serving team member, Steve’s passion for community and social service has helped shape the heart and soul of our organisation.
From his early days, joining in 2004 as Mentoring Manager (making the matches between the Big and Little Buddies) to his current role as Co-CEO alongside Christie Stuart, Steve’s leadership and vision have been instrumental in Big Buddy’s growth, success and impact.
Steve has been the driving force behind many initiatives, including our regional expansion and the launch of our new Group Programme for teenage boys. Steve really lives and breathes the Big Buddy ethos, he will be the first to say that this isn’t a job, it’s a vocation. He is incredibly passionate about supporting our boys and their whanau, and you will see that great care taken in everything he does.
Recently Steve was presented with a special gift, a taonga, on behalf of the Trustees and Team to acknowledge this milestone (photo above with Travis Field, Chairman). A Pounamu Mere. A mere is the symbol of courage, respect, strength and will enable you to cut through life’s obstacles, and pounamu is seen as a gift from the heart.
We sat down with Steve and asked him to share his reflections and learnings from two decades of working in youth mentoring at Big Buddy.
Have you seen a change in the challenges facing boys over the years?
Society, families, parenting and raising children have become a lot more complex over the years. Families today are navigating a broader range of issues and challenges, from mental health concerns to behavioural and emotional struggles. At Big Buddy, we’re seeing more boys living with loss and trauma. We speak to whānau trying to understand and work with children diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and others, and many come to the programme carrying significant emotional burdens. It’s quite a different landscape than it was 20 years ago and certainly has a range of new and diverse challenges.
Have you seen similar changes for the families and caregivers?
Family life has become a lot more demanding and difficult. The pressures on caregivers—many of whom are single mums—are immense, as they juggle the demands of work, finances, and raising children.
In the home, poverty seems more prevalent than ever too, and family instability often disrupts the long-term relationships that are a vital part of the Big Buddy One-to-One programme.And of course there is a rising number of single families, and unfortunately more children living without their dads in their lives as well as being isolated from their extended whānau.
How do these changes effect the work of Big Buddy?
These complexities mean we need to support our volunteer Big Buddies more than in the past. They sometimes need additional training to navigate specific challenges with a boy or with their caregiver. Over the years we have built a comprehensive support and training structure to provide that support. It’s something we pride ourselves on, but we still want to do more.
A recent boating trip with some of the boys on our One-to-One Programme waiting list highlighted to me some of the changes we see. While the boys had a great time, the day required a surprising level of guidance and intervention to ensure everything ran smoothly. Times like these remind us of the importance of equipping our Big Buddies with the tools they need to make a meaningful difference in these boys’ lives.
Do you think it is tougher for boys now than 20 years ago?
It’s definitely tougher for boys than when I started. I think the education system is more stretched which negatively impacts learning. Research shows that boys fall through the cracks more than girls when you look at achievement. And there is a lack of male teachers in schools, not having positive male role models at school, at home and in other settings all contribute to boys not being seen and not being valued.
What are the emotional changes you see in the boys when they get matched to a Big Buddy?
Many boys express deep gratitude for the opportunity to have a Big Buddy, but also some have a harder shell, and it can take time and patience to break through external defenses and get them to open up.
Many have developed a kind of resilience, born out of necessity. While that can be a strength, it can also take a toll. If they lack the tools or trusted people to share their thoughts and feelings with, these challenges can accumulate, contributing to mental health issues. Ultimately these are some of the issues of why our male youth suicide rates are so alarmingly high in New Zealand. Unless these boys and young men have a pathway out of problems they face it can be very difficult for them. They need a good healthy positive male affirming and gently guiding them.
That’s not to say that mums and caregivers, and other people in that boy’s life, can’t give them all that they need, I just think it takes both good men and good women to surround our boys and our children in general to support them in what is a more complex world that we now live in.
Has society become more aware of the importance of fathers in a boys’ life?
There is a growing awareness of the importance of fathers and good men in a boy’s life. 20 years ago, when I started, there was still a stigma around men volunteering to spend time with children and I think society is getting over that.
We are also now seeing a broader age range of volunteers becoming Big Buddies. We have lots more millennials and Gen Z’s coming forward, and they are generally more open and accepting to the diversity of boys we can match them with. Also, they are less worried about what others think of them being a Big Buddy, in fact there is a growing kudos for them as others can see they are doing something so worthwhile.
The narrowing of the age gap between the boy and the Big Buddy supports a good relationship too. A Big Buddy in his 20s is seen more as an older brother than an uncle or father figure. However, a match of any age can work. I love seeing the connections between boys who are matched with a grandfather figure. It’s matching the right person rather than their age that matters. What I’d like to see more of is our community growing so the boys get the experience of being with a group of good men of various ages. We encourage this with events we hold for our Big and Little Buddies where they get to meet and spend time together. And our new Group Programme takes this idea to a new level.
Tell us about the Big Buddy Group programme you have developed?
The Big Buddy Group Programme is all about supporting teen boys and giving them lots of different reference points of good men. We bring together a group of teenage boys with a group of volunteer Big Buddies under the strong direction of a facilitator. They get to learn more about themselves and others, get expert outdoor education instruction and lots of opportunities to stretch themselves, take some risks and have lots of fun, in a sometimes challenging, but supportive environment. We hope to take this a step further in the future by having the graduates from the Group Programme continue participating and organising events themselves – youth led initiatives.
We’d also love the boys to get involved in projects with our sponsors and partners to give them wider experiences. And to get them involved in other charity organisations so they can learn about volunteering and being of service.
What positive impacts do you see of the Big Buddy programme?
The rewards for both the boys and the mentors still really move me, especially knowing that some of the boys are coming from such adversity. Seeing the changes in boys over time, sometimes instantaneously, their confidence, their behaviour, their outlook and sense of self-worth as their relationship with their Big Buddy grows, is amazing to see, and something all the team at Big Buddy get great satisfaction from.
What’s really touching is that even the simplest act of just turning up and giving some time, the offer of help, or an offer to go fishing, can be a huge deal for a lot of these boys. Knowing that these everyday interactions are building such strong relationships and changing a boy’s life, and his future makes every day at Big Buddy rewarding. I feel very lucky to be part of that.
Right now there are around 8,000 boys in New Zealand without fathers in their lives. These boys are navigating the challenges of life without the steady hand of a father to guide them.
With your help, Big Buddy can continue to match young boys with good men to offer friendship, support and a good male role model to look up to.
With 130 young boys currently on our waitlist, your support today is needed more than ever.
Your donation will help build confidence and resilience in the lives of boys whose fathers are not around.