Published in the New Zealand Women’s Weekly & Now to Love | August 2026
For years after his father was killed in a car crash, Wahkan MacKinnon, who was just eight at the time, believed he had to be “the man of the house”.
So when the teenager stood before a room full of families at the end of a Big Buddy group programme and spoke openly about his grief, it was so much more than just a speech. Watching from the audience, his devoted mum Nicki was incredibly moved to see how far her boy had come.
“It was so healing for Wahkan,” smiles Nicki, 48.
“Being in the outdoors is so healing anyway, but being around all these other boys, and all of them being outside their comfort zones, and opening up to each other, is huge.”
Nicki will never forget the 2016 door knock that changed their lives forever. Finding police officers on her doorstep, Nicki received the news no family ever wants to hear: her beloved partner and Wahkan’s father Jade had died in a car accident, aged 40.
The questions that followed from Wahkan were heartbreaking.
“How can someone have no dad? Everyone must have a dad… what am I going to do?” the then eight-year-old asked his mum.
Finding the father figure he needed
As the years passed, Nicki watched her son navigate life without the steady presence of Jade, who loved to take Wahkan fishing and surfing, and teach him practical skills.
Surrounded by a largely female whānau – Nicki is one of six sisters and has one brother – she knew there were some things she simply couldn’t provide herself.
“After his father passed away, it was clear to me that Wahkan was going to grow up in a very female-dominated environment,” says Nicki, whose own father passed away when she was in her twenties.
So she reached out to Big Buddy, a charitable organisation which matches boys without fathers with mentor figures.
A safe space to open up
Wahkan was accepted into the teenage group programme, where, for eight weeks, he met with a group of boys and mentors on weekends. The programme finishes with a three-night adventure camp. For Wahkan, who was 16 at the time, it was life-changing.
“I found myself opening up and sharing my story with this group of people I didn’t know,” he recalls.
“But these were same-age boys who had gone through similar things I had.”
Whether sea kayaking, rock climbing or on the high ropes, Wahkan embraced the challenges that encouraged him to reflect on the past and present – and think about the future.
He shares, “You witness all these other people also opening up and you experience the fun of being one of a group of boys who, like you, are trying to fit in, but also be seen for who they are.”
The dad he’ll never forget
For naturopath and medical herbalist Nicki, who’s also raising her whāngai [a Māori form of in-family adoption] son, 11, the difference in Wahkan was unmistakable. Finally, he was able to cry and express his feelings about his dad.
Nicki met Jade at high school and quickly fell for his caring nature.
“Jade was talented and confident, but with a kindness and gentleness about him,” recalls Nicki.
As a whānau, they loved to get outdoors. To this day, nature and adventures with her sons have been cornerstones of her own healing too.
“Jade was a very hands-on father,” she shares.
“On Saturdays, he and Wahkan would go surfing together, get a donut and come home to watch a movie.”
Giving back to the next generation
For Wahkan, the Big Buddy programme reminded him of how much joy those early experiences with his dad brought him, and inspired him to pursue a career in nature.
Now 18, Wahkan is training as an outdoor instructor with Adventure Works, the organisation that facilitates the Big Buddy outdoor activities. He’s learning leadership, safety, first aid and expedition skills so he can help guide others through the same environments that have enriched his own life.
“It’s made me realise that doing less electronic stuff online and doing more outdoor pursuits in nature is a lot better for you,” shares Wahkan, who has opted to embrace in-person connections over online
and stopped using social media completely.
Wahkan also works with his mum as a barista at Kahu & Peka, Nicki’s West Auckland café and herbal dispensary. One day, he’d like to become a Big Buddy mentor himself.
But for now, his message to other kids is clear, “Whatever it is you’re going through, what most boys – and most people in fact – need to learn is, there’s always hope at the other end of the road.”
Interested in the Group Programme?
Do you know a teenage boy who could benefit from greater confidence, stronger connections, and positive support? Or are you a man looking to make a meaningful difference in a young person’s life?
The Big Buddy Group Programme combines adventure, mentoring, personal development, and connection to help young people build resilience, self-belief, and life skills in a supportive environment.
