For nearly three decades, Big Buddy has been helping boys without a dad in their lives by connecting them with positive male mentors. The impact of these relationships can last a lifetime, but right now, demand for mentors is outpacing supply.
In a recent interview with RNZ Nights, Big Buddy Co-CEO Programmes and Community Steve Sobotta spoke about why positive male role models matter, what mentoring really looks like, and the urgent need for more men to step forward.
Sometimes Showing Up Is Enough
When people hear the word “mentor”, they often imagine someone with special skills, qualifications, or expertise. Steve says that’s not what Big Buddy is looking for.
“It’s mainly about showing up,” he explains. “Being consistent and being yourself.”
Big Buddy’s core programme matches boys aged 7 to 13 with carefully screened volunteer mentors. The commitment is simple: spend a few hours together on weekends, building a relationship through shared experiences and regular connection.
It’s not about being a superhero.
It’s about being a reliable adult who listens, encourages, and spends time with a young person who needs someone in their corner.
Why Boys Need Positive Male Role Models
Many boys referred to Big Buddy have experienced the absence of a father due to separation, estrangement, death, or other circumstances. While every situation is different, Steve says many share a common need.
“They have that hunger to be acknowledged, seen, and heard by a man.”
As boys grow up, they naturally begin looking beyond their immediate family for examples of what it means to be a man. Yet many boys today have very few opportunities to experience positive male role models.
Some may not have a dad living at home. Others may not have regularly involved grandfathers, uncles, coaches, or teachers. In fact, less than a quarter of primary school teachers in New Zealand are male.
Big Buddy helps fill that gap by introducing boys to ordinary, everyday men who demonstrate kindness, reliability, resilience, and respect.
Mentoring Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
One of the biggest misconceptions about mentoring is that volunteers need endless time, money, or specialised knowledge.
In reality, many of the most meaningful mentoring moments happen during ordinary activities.
A Big Buddy and Little Buddy might:
- Kick a ball around at the park
- Go for a walk
- Play cards or Frisbee
- Learn to surf
- Practice a golf swing
- Fix a bike
- Cook together
- Visit local events
The activity itself is rarely the important part.
The real value comes from the conversations, trust, and connection that develop over time.
The Benefits Go Both Ways
While the focus is always on supporting boys, mentors often discover that they benefit just as much from the experience.
Many volunteers report feeling more connected to their communities, more present in their own lives, and grateful for the opportunity to spend time with a young person.
As one mentor recently shared with Big Buddy, mentoring gave him a chance to “be a boy again” and enjoy simple experiences away from the pressures of everyday life.
Building a relationship with a Little Buddy often becomes one of the most rewarding parts of a mentor’s life.
The Waiting List Is Growing
Unfortunately, the need for mentors has never been greater.
Big Buddy has always experienced strong demand, but in some parts of New Zealand the waiting lists have become so long that applications for new boys have had to close temporarily.
Some boys have been waiting many months, and in some cases more than a year, to be matched with a mentor.
To help support boys while they wait, Big Buddy has begun running special events where boys can connect with positive male volunteers and staff. But the ultimate goal remains the same: finding enough mentors so every boy can be matched with his own Big Buddy.
Listen to the full interview.
Safety Comes First
Understandably, families want reassurance that volunteers are thoroughly vetted.
Big Buddy has a robust screening process that typically takes between eight and ten weeks. This includes:
- Police vetting
- Character references
- Home interviews
- Psychological assessment
- Training
- Medical references
The process is designed to ensure the safety and wellbeing of every young person involved.
As Steve explains, men who apply are good people who simply want to make a positive difference. The screening process helps ensure that every match is both safe and successful.
A Call for More Men
Right now, there are boys across New Zealand waiting for someone to spend a few hours of their month with them.
Not because they need a perfect role model.
Not because they need someone extraordinary.
Because they need someone who will turn up.
Someone who will listen.
Someone who will show them they matter.
If you’ve ever thought about becoming a Big Buddy, now is the time to find out more.
You don’t need special qualifications. You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to be willing to step up.
To learn more about volunteering as a Big Buddy, visit www.bigbuddy.org.nz or send the team a message through their social channels.
Because sometimes making a difference in a young person’s life can be as simple as showing up.
Source: RNZ Nights interview with Steve Sobotta, Co-CEO Programmes and Community, Big Buddy.
